“There is a right one for you out there, somewhere.” say many people and they also say, “Just be patient. Live you life. Then everything will come along.” I was the one skeptical about this. How do they know that there’s a right one for me? Just like the people who have a great partner in life, there still are a fair share of population that couldn’t find the one till the end. How can I be sure if I am one of those finding the right one?
I still don’t believe that everybody can find the right one in life. As a person, studying economics, I should say, it’s due to market failures, due to inequality in information of possible relationship matches. And I think that it’s impossible to fix this problem. One of main problem, makes it impossible, is that one doesn’t know perfectly about one’s own preferences or even oneself. We, human beings, are so complex and from every day learning we change all the time. So even if we can understand ourselves perfectly at any given moment, we will change soon and we cannot keep on track of that all the time. Therefore we will never know what is best for us in terms of relationships until it happens to us. When it happens, I think it is a miracle and such a nourishing experience.
I finally found the one in my life, letting me say with confidence that I found the one, my Mr. Right. I have met many people, most of them were not in any serious relationships though. Still I struggled so much that I became skeptical about relationships and having a good family in modern days, where people are being so calculating and materialistic. I wasn’t the most beautiful or feminine or rich girl and many failures in budding relationships were good enough to let me down in the dating markets. But I kept on trying to put myself out there to meet someone, because I still had a little hope that it’s only due to market failures why I couldn’t find the right one.
Now that I am soon turning to 35 in a month, it has been 15 years of searching for someone. There were years that I stopped actively looking, but there were also many countless moments that I felt very lonely for not having a boyfriend.
I didn’t know what I was looking for from a partner, and even worse was that I completely misunderstood what I liked. I thought I was looking for the so called manly quality that one can easily detect even from a glance. But I have been looking for someone who understands me, even the complicated side of me, and who loves me the way I am, which I don’t love sometimes myself. The one should understand the tomboy side of me and elegant side of me, not being confused by extreme spectrum of my characteristics. I have been looking for someone who lets me learn from him not by pushing but by showing his way of life. It is someone that I can intellectually challenge myself, by having many discussions about different topics in-depth. The one has to have those qualities that I could admire but not to brag about those. And the person should be my mental safety net, that I could be sure that the person would love me still, even if I fail for everything, so that I could start over again on a fresh ground. And the one has to be fun to be around and that I can giggle without being conscious about how weirdly I giggle. The one will be someone can laugh for a small thing, and can share small moments to smile upon. The one remembers small remarks and drop a note reminding those, which incredibly makes me happy. And many more. How demanding and picky I am!
I didn’t know that I could find someone like that, because I haven’t experienced that before. It’s a miracle. He makes me happy and makes complicated things so simple.
I have never loved anyone before, because even when I said I loved someone, I was never sure what love was about. But now I know. I am so happy and I love him so much. This is a pure declaration of love to Jens.
How lucky I am to have you in my life. You are the source of the power to let me keep this journey to a new life, away from my home town, my family and friends. Thank you for being a wonderful partner in my life. I love you, Jens.